jushiro-ukitake asked:
what kind of mischief did you get up to in elementary school?
Well, this is going to be a pretty long read, but here are some highlights:
- Time and time again I told my classmates that I had a superpower, and every time I would announce it and invite them to challenge it, they would try and fail to do the impossible. At some point, I told everyone about my superpower, told them to try it, then laughed at them when they failed. It made me feel really powerful, so I did this a lot.
- One time I announced that I would do a bunch of “magic tricks,” and then did a bunch of magic tricks where nothing happened. Even though they were boring, my classmates liked them.
- I once stole the kind of gift you give to a teacher from one of my teachers, and hid it in a drawer in my room. When I showed it to a classmate the next day, she said she loved it, and it turned out she actually really wanted that gift (I don’t remember what it was), so I returned it to the teacher and offered to make it for her out of cardboard.
- I tried to convince my parents that if I ate a piece of charcoal, it would turn my poop black, and they believed me and didn’t let me try it. No idea if it would have actually worked, but my life is pretty great so maybe it would have messed me up
- I spent a lot of time looking for a way to persuade the school that I was Riker from TNG. In one memorable instance, I wrote a little note saying “Riker from TNG wants [school’s name],” wrote that note very neatly, and placed it on the desk of our teacher. Nothing happened
- I had a bowl of pudding, wanted to save it to eat later, then didn’t eat lunch, so I decided to eat the pudding. For some reason I felt guilty, and then I put the pudding on the ceiling, and I don’t know why, but my mind was like “Sure, I don’t want to eat the pudding, but this other guy (me from yesterday) wants to eat it, so I’ll find him later so he can eat it.” I sat there, eating the pudding and trying to figure out what to do next, and I finally gave up and brought the pudding back down to the desk
- As part of some kind of invented superhero fantasy thing, I told my friends that I had a transformer ring (from Macross, I don’t know why we were into that) and that the ring turned me into various superheroes (like Black Sheep from Shin Getter Robo). When I showed the ring to other people, I would refuse to say which superhero I was supposed to be, and instead just say “yeah, I can turn into anyone I want, look at this ring.” I don’t know why – I just liked messing with people, I guess
- I participated in some sort of pudding festival at school where I had to try to bring pudding all the way up the school building stairs without spilling it. I don’t know if the results were important, I just liked to carry pudding places
- There was a girl in my class (she doesn’t seem to have made much of an impression on me) who was a very confident, sure of herself type, and also had green hair, so I liked to make up stories about her being a rogue scientist or something (remember, this was back when people didn’t have internet access) and taking up arms against the scourge of … I don’t know, of green-haired people maybe
- There was a plan at one point to send the entire school to this tiny building that was kind of off-campus. There were to be “punishments” for things like being late. A bunch of us thought this was unfair, so in response I invented a new rule that was more unfair, that said if you were in the hallway for 1 second after your parents left, that was a punishment, and we spread the rule around the school and got people to “thank us” for the new rule, until the principle said we had to stop
- One time, a teacher told a story about how she had a playground filled with dirt. I asked the teacher if she ever got sick of all the dirt, and the teacher said something like “sometimes, I do.” My mind was like “this is a perfect opportunity to show how terrible I am as a person.” She was talking to me with a smug, ironic tone that implied she was the authority on what was and wasn’t funny, and I was so offended that I suddenly thought of a biting comeback: “oh yeah? well my parents were just talking about how they would throw me in a pit of dirt if they got the chance, so I guess that means they’re sick of me.” So, uh, I said that, word for word
- I read Dracula in fourth grade and loved it, and spent a lot of time trying to convey this love to my friends, in ways that in retrospect, were probably kind of creepy
- I convinced some of my friends to tell the teacher I said “idiot,” which, as I recall, I didn’t
- I once tried to persuade a teacher that men were really just slugs in disguise. I was a weird kid





